When In Doubt: A Retrospective

When in doubt………….just throw on a sash made by a stunningly beautiful, highly intelligent, outrageously funny, former print and runway model and say, “Because I fucking can, that’s why!”.

It helps if there are several other extraordinary women walking around with you wearing one….and a gay bar server. But it’s totally cool to wander out into the streets of NYC alone to grab a quick smoke and wear it proudly all alone.

When in doubt………..remind your girlfriend you really don’t give a damn about getting a little wet as you race through the streets of NYC to find a FedEx so the two of you can “ship drugs to Asia”.

When in doubt………..throw on a specially made thong that read “Puissance Mother Fucker!” and flash people with it if they need to be reminded of the power.

When in doubt……….walk into a tiny little hotel bar crowded with some of the most divine women you know while you are rain-soaked and smell of travel. Then have a glorious moment where you meet a fellow cancer survivor and loved one for the first time! Then have a serious discussion about the dangers of vaginal waxing and the benefits of merely super-sloughing your vagina daily instead.

When in doubt……..take the fucking limo, of course!

When in doubt………order the Hot Tranny Mess, but always, always, ALWAYS avoid the Cockring. Trust me on this, people, I know!

When in doubt………sit in a quiet park in the middle of a rushing city and take the time to hugely fail at learning to play the Ukulele, knowing that Herbert matches your dress, so obviously, he forgives you for not knowing how to properly finger his strings.

When in doubt……….take the 30 hour trip to be with wonderful people….because you will have a lifetime of memories and laughs, and tears…….because it will be an entire year before it happens again and you need that time away to get you through the times you are in doubt.