I would apologize for being away, but that would seem sort of ridiculous. It feels like I would be indicating an assumption of the internet missing me…….ummmm, not so much. One thing I know(and love) about all 6(seriously, Sitemeter, fuck you!!) of my readers is they have busy lives of their own. So, I hope your holidays were fabulous and fruitful.
More importantly, there was dust on my laptop when I pulled it out to write this morning!!??!! Actual dust! WTF, me?? What kind of blogger has DUST on their laptop? Oh yeah, the kind who has been hiding out at work, with family and friends, or has been otherwise engaged for the past couple of weeks.
I did dust this bitch off though, so let us roll into the New Year with some important things in mind:
Since my blog is less than a year old, I am NOT doing a New Year wrap up
I don’t do resolutions, why create more rules I will feel the need to break??
I make a point of mockingly breaking other people’s resolutions in front of them……Quit Drinking for the New Year? I am totally doing body shots off of you! Exercise more? I am going to sit and watch tv while mocking you and your lame 3 week exercise war. Be a better person? OMJ, really??? The lack of specificity and creativity involved in this oh-so-fucking-common resolution makes me laugh at you!
2K11 is my year of debauchery. Okay, ANOTHER year of debauchery. There was definitely not enough debauchery in 2010, I plan to fix that shit!
Clothes are SO 2010. I say, less clothes in the New Year! Think pants are bullshit? Prove it, take those bitches off! Think those undergarments are too binding, lose them. Of course, there is a caveat here; Please check a mirror before leaving the house unclothed, I mean, the world didn’t go blind at the twinkling of the new year.
Ben Affleck is back in my sights. He acts, he directs, and HOLY MOTHER OF ALL THAT IS WICKED, he has incredible abs! The Town, despite a few minor issues, has rekindled my love of Ben! (try to move past the occasional overdone accents) Guess who is getting chocolate vaginas for Valentine’s Day this year???